A Handwriting Expert Analyzes A-Rod's Apology Letter

via WSJ –  The first thing that jumped out to Paula A. Sassi, a certified master graphologist in professional practice for 35 years? 

“He writes like a girl,” Sassi said. “Feminine writing is more rounded, with a lot of connections, which he has throughout this. And a right slant. Masculine writing tends to be more angled, straight up and down, maybe printed.”

“The capital ‘I’s’—that’s where you see the personal ego,” she said. “This is probably what gets him into trouble. He has a very strong-willed, independent ego. They’re so large, and printed. That’s the kind of capital ‘I’ where you say they’re very independent, and strong-willed.”

“In the second line, when he writes ‘mistakes,’ it’s interesting what occurs in that word, it has a cover on the ‘a,’ and it also happens in the fourth line, when he writes the word ‘situation,’ and both have to do with what happened,” Sassi said. “Which is being very protective of personal information.

“And when he writes ‘major league baseball,’ the ‘m’ has a higher hump on the third hump, which is an indication of someone who is very self-conscious,” she said.

“The looped ‘T’s,’ like on the line where he writes ‘the Yankees,’ shows he’s very sensitive to work criticism,” Sassi said. “This has really hit him at his heart, so to speak.”

“In his signature itself, where he writes ‘Alex,’ the circle around it, we call that a ‘magic circle of protection.’ So he’s covering his tush. You see it a lot in signatures,” she said.

“When they have a long line after it, it’s a sign of holding people at arm’s distance, and you see that a little in the ‘x,’” Sassi said. “It’s not as bad as I see sometimes, though.”

“Do you see that little hook where he writes ‘the players’?” Sassi said. “That is called an acquisitive hook. That is characteristic of people who seek to take, or obtain. I don’t know if he was earning any money on his suspension, but he really wants to grab the glory again.”

“The writing does go uphill,” Sassi said referring to the cursive writing literally slanted upward. “So he’s feeling much more positive.”

Don’t worry everybody A-Rod wrote uphill! He’s doing fine.

I know this letter’s getting beaten to death but I thought these quotes were hilarious. I don’t get why you need a “master graphologist’s” opinion on the matter but some of the stuff she said about his girly handwriting and him covering his ass are pretty funny. And despite the fact that she’s kind of spot on with some of the stuff and calls A-Rod a big, egomaniacal, greedy girl, I kind of think this handwriting expert is full of shit.

It’s like listening to some fortune teller tell a chick who came in to see her that she might be worried about her future. Uhhhh, ya think? Why do most people end up at fortune tellers? This chick clearly knows who A-Rod is so she’s playing with a stacked deck. Let’s see here… he’s writing an apology letter. Well that “g” he wrote there means he’s remorseful. The shape of the “a” definitely means he’s hiding something. Could also be that he’s never admitted to doing PED’s explicitly… but it’s probably mostly the “a” thing. And he’s been acting like a clueless egomaniac for the last 20 years so his tall I’s probably mean he’s a liiiitle self centered. See the bubbly writing there? That’s when he was thinking about how his tits got bigger than Torrie Wilson’s for awhile. On and on it goes.

Not to mention all of this analysis about how A-Rod “feels” is patently absurd. You know how Alex Rodriguez wrote this letter? He 100% copied it from a sheet of paper some lawyer or PR guy handed him. Probably didn’t even think about it when he wrote it. Copied it like a kid getting homework answers off some nerd right before class. So, despite using some very technical phrasing about how he’s “covering his tush”, I gotta say this graphologist sounds like a big fat phony to me with her A-Rod emotional analysis.

P.S. Of course this excludes the part about the girly handwriting. That was spot on. He was about an “i” with a heart dot away from bleeding through his pinstripes